


Numb to the Feeling

by ListeningForSilence



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, angsty, i dont know what other tags to put i havent planned that far yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28347141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ListeningForSilence/pseuds/ListeningForSilence
Summary: This year is just not your year. You've suffered through countless heartbreaks and it seems like love isn't real anymore. You've pretty much given up on men. Well, except for your best friend Sapnap. He's been the only decent man in your life, you guys have been friends for years. One night you get bold on call with him and say some things that you never thought you'd say, and enter uncharted territory with Sapnap. Will your friendship get ruined, or will you become something more?
Relationships: Sapnap and reader, Sapnap x reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 92





	1. Love is Not Easy

You slam the door to your room, throwing yourself onto your bed, and scream into your pillow. You were done with love, you meant it this time. You had just caught your boyfriend of two months kissing another girl in his car. That's the third relationship this year that's gone down the drain. You take your pillow and throw it against your wall, yelling out every expletive you could think of. Tears were streaming down your face, you're sure you looked horrible with mascara smeared all over. Why did you always fall victim to dumb men who did nothing but hurt you? 

First was Calum, his obsession with cars making the relationship seem like he loved them more than you. Honestly the fact that he was a car guy should've been a red flag. Then was Blake, stupid empty-headed Blake. He was too obsessed with his rock band to ever care about you. You were nothing more than a hookup in his eyes. His band wasn't even that talented, they didn't even book any gigs. He lived in his parent's basement for crying out loud. You cursed at yourself for ignoring that red flag. Clearly there's a recurring theme here of you being blind to red flags. Then finally, there was this last heartbreak. This one definitely hurt the worst. His name was Luke, and in the beginning it had been magical, like something out of those fanfiction stories you read in middle school. You had met in a coffee shop, talk about a cliché. But he was reading a book by Agatha Christie, your all time favorite author, so of course you went up to him and struck up a conversation. He seemed as charming as he was cute. It was like a whirlwind romance, you had caught feelings very fast. Apparently he didn't feel the same, judging by how hard he was kissing that girl. You didn't even say anything to him. You just blocked him on everything, it was too painful to try and talk to him. 

So now you're swearing off dating for the rest of the year. No dates, no kissing, no hookups, nothing. Who needs men, anyways? They all suck, every last one of them. Well, except your best friend, Nick, or as you like to call him, Sapnap. He's been the only decent man in your life. You had met way back years ago after both being mods on a minecraft server. Coincidentally, you guys were both the same age, with him being born in 2001, and you were in 2002. After talking for awhile, you guys hit it off, and you've been inseperable since. Seriously, you can't go more than twenty four hours without calling or texting. Unfortunately, you've only met up one time, since you live on the east coast in Georgia, with him being in Texas. One of his other best friends, Dream, lives in Florida so Sapnap had stopped to see you for a day on his way to see Dream. That was two years ago though, but you had taken plenty of polaroid pictures together and they've been hung on your wall ever since. 

It's funny, actually, to think about Sap and his friends. Even though you play minecraft a lot, you're very shy and private so you don't really stream or make videos like all of them do. You have a couple times but only because Sapnap had coerced you into it. You've started to get closer to his friends too. Funnily enough, you and George had a short period in time where you flirted with each other a year ago, but that of course didn't work out. Just another example of your shitty luck when it comes to love. Dream has become sort of like an older brother to you though. He scared you at first because he's super intimidating, but you guys have very similar personalities so he's taken you under his wing in a way. 

Your thoughts become interrupted though, as you see your phone light up, snapping you back into reality. You see that it's Sapnap, it looks like he sent you a link to a video on tik tok, and you'd bet money it was some kind of stupid meme video. You type in your password and open up the text, clicking the link he had sent. Sure enough, it was a deepfried image of a crafting table with mongolian throat singing playing in the background. Normally you would've laughed at least a little bit because of how stupid it was, but you were way too upset to conjure up even a little bit of amusement. 

_stupid meme_ , is all you can muster to text back. 

Sapnap knows you way too well and immediately senses that something is wrong. _woah wait i didnt think u would respond so fast. thought u had a date with luke???_

You read the text and bark out a bitter laugh. Even seeing Luke's stupid name was enough to fill you with resentment. You shoot a quick text back saying _ugh. call me._

With him being your best friend, he knew everything, and you couldn't wait to get your anger out by ranting to him. Within five seconds of you sending your text, he opened it, read it, and called you. Facetime instead of regular audio, you manage a small smile. You answer, trying to wipe the tears off your face so you didn't look too upset. "Hey are you okay? You seem-", He stopped talking, his face dropping as he realized you were upset, his eyes taking in your smeared makeup and red face, puffy from crying. "Oh my god what happened? Tell me everything." His words were laced with empathy, his eyes showing that he hated seeing you like this. 

"You were right Sap, I did have a date with L-Luke today". Saying his name proved to be a real challenge for you, you choked on your words trying to say it. "I was driving to the restaraunt that we were supposed to meet at, and I had arrived a little earlier, you know how I always like to arrive early to things. I had thought it was a little odd that I had to drive myself, since normally he picks me up but he said he couldn't this time, and I didn't think anything of it." Looking back you realized that should've raised alarms in your head. "Well I got to the place and pulled into a parking spot and as I was waiting, I looked over and saw that his truck was parked a couple spaces over. I thought that was weird because he hadn't texted me that he was there yet. I stared a little harder and saw that he had a girl in his car, Sap! And he was kissing her, like full on making out!" At this point you were shouting from anger but you didn't care. It felt good to get this out. "So I sat there and blocked him on everything I could before driving home, where I screamed into my pillow and cursed the world and now i'm here. I just feel so stupid Sap! I feel like a complete idiot for not seeing how much of a loser he is. I didn't see this coming at all!" You close your eyes as tears start streaming down your face. 

"Hey hey! You are NOT stupid, please don't beat yourself up over this!", Sapnap says earnestly, it sounds like he's hurting seeing you so upset. "It's not your fault that you didn't know this was happening, some guys are just scummy and are really good at hiding shit like this. Don't let some fuck boy get the best of you, alright?" You look at him and frown. "But it's not just him Sap! I just have a horrible love life! You remember the others, Calum and Blake. They were both equally as shitty! Maybe I'm the problem." You get quiet for a second, picking at stray fuzzes on your blanket, the soft material geting balled up in your fists as a thought enters your head. You manage to whisper out the question. "Is there something wrong with me?" 

Sapnap looks like he's been punched in the gut. "Y/n. Look at me." This is the first time he's said your name since the call started. It startles you into looking up, his tone heavy with the weight of seriousness. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are an amazing, beautiful, talented, hilarious girl. It is not your fault that you've had bad luck with dating, it's the shitty douchebags you've been dating. There are plenty of good guys out there who would do anything to date you, trust me." The look on his face shows that he's being sincere, but you don't really believe him. You give a short and cold laugh. 

"If there are so many so called good guys who want me, where are they, huh? Because I apparently haven't picked any." Saying that brought a pang to your heart and you had to fight back more tears. You study Sapnap's face, he's gone quiet since you asked that question. The look he's giving is a foreign one, you aren't sure how to decipher it. 

Finally, all he says is, "They're closer than you think. Open your eyes and you'd see what I mean." 

It goes quiet again, you aren't sure how to react or how to even interpret what he means. You sit in the silence for a minute or two before saying, "Well. it's getting late for me, I should probably get some sleep. After all the screaming and crying I did, I'm going to be exhausted in an hour or two when it hits. Goodnight Sap, I'll talk to you tomorrow." You manage to give him a small smile, but it doesn't meet your eyes. 

"Goodnight, get some sleep. Hey, remember your worth. You're absolutely amazing." He gives you a smile ten times bigger than the one you had gave, and hangs up, leaving you to now stare at your own reflection being cast on the black screen. You realize you look like a wreck. You get up, head to the bathroom, and wipe off all your makeup. After getting dressed in pjs, you settle into bed, melting into the comfy pillows and blankets, the warmth instantly cradling you into sleep. As you drift off, all you can think about is Sapnap's words to you. "They're closer than you think. Open your eyes and you'd see what I mean." You had no clue what he was talking about and it was going to eat you up inside. You finally slip off into dreamland, forgetting all your worries for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this is my first time writing a story like this so please be patient! I plan on updating the story every week or two! Please feel free to leave comments for any suggestions you have or to voice your opinion :)


	2. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello everyone! I know it has been awhile since I uploaded the first chapter. I had started to write a second chapter when my family suddenly had to move houses, and I was stuck at home with no wifi for a week. I got wifi today so I just want to let everyone know that I WILL post new chapters now. It should be up by the end of the week. I plan on spending my free time crafting the story until I'm happy enough to post it.


	3. Ozone

It's been a couple of days since your call with Sapnap. You've been texting still, even though you hadn't sent many, but haven't yet called again. In between all the streams he's done or appeared on, he's been trying to cheer you up. You've been in a state of depression, and his efforts aren't quite working. Sapnap had filled the others in, since you hadn't been answering people's texts or calls. George tried to send you 8 ball texts to cheer you up, because in his mind that would work to cheer him up. You still played against him though, and won four out of seven games played. Dream's big brother senses kicked in and he'd been trying to give you wise advice to make you feel better. Even Tommy and Tubbo had reached out, although their words were just a bit awkward. Tommy had messaged you saying, _You're an american woman so you suck and I hate you but you are way better than that american man you dated."_ Coming from him that was a lot. Poor Tubbo's messaged was filled with so many typos you aren't sure what he was trying to say.

You have spent your time these past couple of days moping in bed, flipping through different shows on Netflix to distract yourself. Orange is the New Black had turned into what played on the screen of your TV most of the time, illuminating your otherwise dark room. You hadn't bothered to turn on any lights or open your window. When you weren't watching TV you were blasting Chase Atlantic as loud as you could without getting a noise complaint from your next door neighbor. By your third day of listening to them, Sapnap decided to send you a text. Spotify has a feature where you can see what song someone is listening to, and since you both were fans of the same artists, constantly sending each other song recommendations, he noticed pretty quickly that you were only listening to one artist. Your phone buzzes and you sigh hard. You know you can't keep ignoring him.

_dude youve been listening to one band for a couple days now i know you only do that when youre sad please just talk to me_ , the text read. You stare at it for a couple of minutes, debating about what to even say back to him. Your mind recently has been in a very dark place, crowded with thoughts of Luke, how much you missed him, how much you hated him, how much you hated life, you get the idea. Coming up with a coherent enough thought to send is going to be a challenge.

You pick up the phone and start to type, the soft pads of your fingertips hitting the keyboard. _sorry its just been a lot to take in y'know? ive been distant i know._ You read the text over once more and press send. You flop back onto your bed, letting the phone fall out of your hand onto the grey comforter that covers the expanse of the bed. As you wait for the buzz of your phone showing that Sap had responded, you tune in to the song currently playing on the speakers. You immediately recognizd which song it was. Chase Atlantic has been your comfort band for a couple of years now. You had stumbled across one of their songs by chance and had been in love with their music ever since then. The song was called _Numb to the Feeling._ You bark out a cold, dark laugh. What perfect timing. You can definitely relate to the song, it's like you're basically becoming numb after so many heartbreaks. Finally you hear the buzz alerting that Sapnap's text had been delivered, snapping you out of your thoughts and back into your dark, sad reality of your room. Searching for where your phone fell on your bed you glide your hands across the smooth fabric, fumbling in the darkness until you feel the boxy shape hit yout fingers.

_hey hey youre going through a tuff time i get it. call me when you get the chance?_ Waves of guilt wash over you. I mean Sapnap was your number one best friend and here you've been practically ignoring him to mope around like a loser. You start to mentally beat yourself up over this, calling yourself a horrible friend. You owe him a call after dry texting him and basically giving him the cold shoulder. Closing out of the messaging app you move to press the video call button but hesitate. You were suddenly aware about what you probably looked like. Your hair probably had tangles in it or was frizzy, your stained old sweatshirt definitely wasn't the cutest look ever, and you're positive you still have mascara smudges around your eyes. Then it hits you, why do you care what you look like for Sapnap? This is so weird, he's been your friend for years, he's seen you at your best and worst, there's no need to impress him. You brush the thought away and tuck it into the back of your mind. Finally you decide to just call him with audio and no camera, you still liked being in the darkness. You press the call button and put the phone up to your ear, the coolness of the glass a shock to your cheek.

You hear the ringing stop as he picks up. "y/n...." He says your name like he's out of breath. The sound of his voice soothes your ears and you close your eyes to relish in the sound of it. God you had missed him. "Hey Sap, it's me." You manage to squeeze out the words, they were very delicate and you whispered it so it was just barely audible. "Oh my god y/n I'm so glad you called I've been worried sick! How have you been? Have you showered? Have you eaten? Oh god I'm smothering you with questions I'll shut up now." You smile at his rambling, not being able to fight off the happiness he brings you. "I'm starting to feel better now. I won't lie, it has been a rough couple of days, but I promise to you I'm getting a little bit better. I haven't slept in a couple days though." You say the last part with a bit of shame hidden behind the words, you hate worrying him. "You know how important sleep is. Is there anything I can do to help you?" His words come out softly, and you can tell just how much he cares through what he's saying. "Well um, could you..." You trail off, hesitating before deciding to commit to the question.

"Could you sing to me? Like you did for me that one time a couple of years ago, when I was at summer camp and felt homesick?" You squeeze your eyes shut, anxiously waiting for his response. You still remember that night vividly though. It was about three years ago. Your parents had sent you away to some stupid summer camp against your will, and you had the worst time trying to sleep. The first night you stayed up all night thinking about home and all your friends. Luckily this was one of those camps that let you keep your phones because when the second night rolled around, you called Sapnap to keep you company. You knew he had to be up gaming, and you were glad that you were right. You told him you coudn't sleep and that you were feeling absolutely miserable. He had been the one to suggest singing to you that time. He said his mother had done it to him when he was younger and that it always put him to sleep fairly quickly. He made you swear up and down on your life that you wouldn't make fun of his voice, and once he was satisfied he began to sing. You couldn't believe your ears at first when you registered what you were hearing. He was just good at singing, he was just damn amazing at it. You closed your eyes and embraced the smooth low tunes that were entering your ears. You didn't recognize the song but that didn't matter, you were asleep before the song was over.

"Oh, uh, yeah I can do that. I'm surprised you remember that night." You take note of the fact that he sounds like he's thought about that night more than you would with a normal everyday memory. "Do you have any requests for a song?" You shake your head no, and then remember he can't see you. "No, not really. I guess just sing a song from the heart." You're sure Sapnap could hear your smile through the phone but you didn't care. You close your eyes as your hear him clear his throat. He hums to himself for a couple seconds as a warm up, before he announces, "Hey go ahead and get comfy. That's a crucial part of this. Put on some comfy clothes, snuggle up in bed, and relax." You give a small laugh as you assure him you're already comfy. There's a couple beats of silence before he begins, the lyrics flowly out of him naturally.

"Bend your chest open, so I can reach your heart

I need to get inside, or I'll start a war

Wanna look at pieces that make you who you are

I wanna build you up. then pick you apart."

You immediately recognize the song. It's the one from all those years ago. You now have the knowledge of the song name, unlike way back then. After you heard him sing it, you relentlessly scoured the internet in search of the identity. It was called Inside Out, a song by The Chainsmokers. After you heard it that night it became your most played song, you constantly had it on loop. That's when your love of music collided together and you started to send each other recommendations. You let yourself focus on his singing again.

"Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright

I'm gonna love you inside out

I'm gonna love you inside out

Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright

I'm gonna love you inside out

I'm gonna love you inside out."

Feeling a wave of sleepiness hit you, you relax your body even more and begin to drift off to sleep. You were overwhelmed with not only feelings of being tired, but happiness was creeping it's way back into your brain. You could feel it enter your mind again. It didn't knock, but instead chose to walk around and enter through the back door. Still undetected fot the most part but you could tell it was there. As you enter sleep you hear one final line from Sap:

"I'm gonna love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add that every chapter is going to be named after a Chase Atlantic song that I think fits the vibe of the chapter. Some because of the title or some because of the overall feel of the song. Feel free to give each song a listen!


	4. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a bit longer to write, I've really been trying to improve my writing style,it's a bit of a long one! I wasn't expecting my story to get more than a couple of reads so I have a bunch of motivation to work even harder now. I promise within the next two chapters it's really going to pick up, I have very fun surprises planned out.

"Oh my god this is just TOO easy!" George says as he laughs. Sapnap hits back with, "Yeah, just like your mom." The whole discord call explodes with laughter. George responds by huffing angrily, followed up by stuttering as he tries to come up with any kind of retort. "Oh yeah? Well at least I'm beating you right now.", he finally responds with. You, Sapnap, George, and Dream were playing in teams of two, battling each other with nothing but shields and axes. Of course George wanted to pair up with Dream, like always, so You and Sapnap happily paired up. "The only reason you're winning is because Dream is on your team, he's practically OP", you say, coming to Sapnap's defense. "Well you know what, y/n? Pull up my stream right now, I have something to show you." George sounds like he means business, so you begrudgingly decide to open up twitch. You click on his username, and see that he isn't doing anything yet. "What am I supposed to be looking at, your ugly face?" You quickly quip. You see him feign hurt, before he adjusts himself in his seat like he's psyching himself up, and then promptly flips off the camera. You assume it's directed towards you. "OOh wow I'm super intimidated by that, I think I might just start crying." You say the words deadpan, with absolutely no emotion, internally laughing that he can't see the smile on your face. He's such an idiot.

"Hey dumb and dumber, can we get to the next round already? Kinda want to beat Dream's and little Gogy's asses already." Sapnap says into the mic, interupting your light hearted quarrel with George. You laugh, loving how Sapnap always interjects at the perfect time. You move your character in the game back to the starting point in the arena your were using, lining up with Sapnap's character. You see George run over to his side, yet Dream's bright green body remains unmoved in the center of the arena. "What the hell is Dream AFK? Bro didn't even tell us." You hear some slight annoyance behind Sapnap's voice, but you know he's not really bothered by it. "Hey George, go get your boyfriend to come back into the game so Sap and I can win already." George makes a noise that sounds like an overexaggerated gag, before saying, "Oh my god can everyone shut up about me and Dream? I hate you guys."

Before anyone can reply, Dream's voice comes back into the call. "Sorry guys I had to feed Patches, she was getting a little antsy. What did I miss?" Sapnap answers him by saying, "Oh nothing much, just these two idiots bickering like always." You bite back a retort sitting in your mouth as Dream laughs. "I should've seen that one coming. I mean we all know they're not compatible, they figured that out the hard way." You groan internally at that remark. Your fling with George had been two years ago and it was very short. You both had mistaken your sarcasm and quick wit nature with each other as possible feelings, and soon found out that you were really better off as friends. It was a little awkward at first but in no time at all you had bounced back to being close friends. You remembered that Sapnap had been very against the whole thing. Everyone had collectively decided to never really talk about it, and the whole fandom had made up conspiracy theories about what could have happened between the two of you. You just know that all their chats are going wild right now at that comment. "Oh shut up Dream, I have no idea what you're talking about." George is very easy to read and you would bet money that right now his face was very red and positioned in a countenance that gave off an expression of embarassment. Sapnap gives a sigh that sounds like one of frustration. You aren't sure what that means, maybe he just wants to get back to the game? He finally speaks. "Maybe it's because you're too much of an idiot to understand basic words." There's a slight joking tone to what he's saying, but there's a dark undertone to it. You'll have to ask him about that later.

"Ok come on guys I'm ready to battle. It's been too long I'm thirsty for bloodshed.", Dream declares. You start a countdown. "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!" Your characters charge towards each other, as George gives some kind of very annoying battle cry. How you guys normally strategized was that Sapnap always went for Dream, and you always went for George, since Sapnap was a bit better at PVP than you, so he had a better chance of defeating Dream. However, you became confused as you saw he was making a beeline for George. A second after you noticed a change in the plans, George did too, letting out a deafening shriek as he realized Sapnap was hunting him down. "Come here bitch boy I'm going to maim your corpse!" Sapnap laughs, sounding slightly crazed. Both you and Dream were so caught up in George's ear splitting shriek that you had stopped charging at each other and turned to watch the battle between Sapnap and George.

"DREEEEEEEAAAM! HELP ME! Sapnap is a MANIAC!" George is starting to sound frightened. Dream wheezes, his signiture tea kettle laugh being contagious and spreading to you. "COME HERE GEORGE! FACE ME LIKE A MAN." You can't see Sapnap's face right now, but you would bet money that he had a determined scowl occuping his face. You imagine his prominent brows furrowing down, his lips turned into a frown. His hair was probably slightly in his face, swooping down to cover part of his forehead. Realizing what you're thinking about you shake your head, snapping out of it. What the heck were you doing? Why were you thinking about him in that much detail? Determining to focus, you take advantage of Dream still wheezing at George and Sapnap playing cat and mouse, and decide to continue charging towards Dream. You end up getting two hits in before he realizes what you're doing and easily takes you down. Sapnap hunts down George in no time, leaving the teams tied. With this match finished, both teams had 4 points.

Before you knew it, two hours had passed by, with over ten more rounds played. Sapnap was a great teammate, you guys won by a lead of two points. After ending their streams, you kept up the discord call, talking about anything and everything. You went over SMP script plans, future stream ideas, the blockchamps event coming up, and speculation of what the next MCC would look like. It looks like the next upcoming weeks would become very busy, especially since Tommy had brought such popularity to the SMP. There's always so much going on, you have no idea who is on who's side. You glance at the clock and are shocked to see that it is very late at night. "Hey guys I hate to leave but it's hella late and I gotta go to bed. My sleep schedule's fucked and I'm trying to fix it." You log off the computer after saying goodbye to everyone, debating whether or not you should take a shower, or just head straight to bed. Deciding to take a shower, you walk to your bathroom after gathering a fresh pair of clothes to change into.

The cool tile on your feet is a nice contrast from the carpet that covers a majority of your apartment. You set your clothes down on the counter and reach into the shower, turning on the water. You catch yourself humming a song unconsciously, recognizing it as a 21 Savage song that Sapnap had sent you earlier today. You shake your head and smile, stepping into the shower. The hot water hits your skin and you close your eyes, loving how it feels against your skin. The shower has always been one of your favorite places to be, where you can just be alone with your thoughts, going over what has happened in the day. You were guilty of taking really long showers, as you often got really lost in thought. Today's hot topic in your mind was Sapnap. He seemed just a little off today. It's bothering you that you can't quite place why he might be off. It started in the middle of your game with Dream and George. I mean, this morning he was fine when you were texting, and then in the beginning half of the game he was still fine. You let out a sigh of frustration, you hate when you can't figure out what's up with him, you normally know his own thoughts before he does, pretty much. Speaking of thoughts, you're bothered by your thoughts of him today, how your mind went into such detail. What was that? That doesn't normally happen. You don't normally just start to imagine what a person looks like based off the sound of their voice when they're supposedly just a friend.

As you let the hot water rinse through your hair, you suddenly get a thought. He started acting weird after Dream alluded to when you and George tragically tried to date. Why would that set off Sapnap? You knew he hadn't liked the whole situation, but he never really specified why, just that he was upset that you had tried. You assumed that it was because George was his friend and so were you so it was just weird for him to see you guys try. That had to be it, right? That could explain why he went after George so suddenly, changing up your strategy, he was going to attack him since you were his teammate and he'd lose if he tried to kill you. You laugh to yourself, stepping out of the shower. Why are you speculating so much? You could just ask him, he's one text or phone call way. You're determined to get to the bottom of this. Grabbing a towel to dry off, you see you have a couple of notifcations on your phone. Who is texting you this late at night? You let it go for now, you'll see who it could possibly be after you finish your night routine. After changing into your fresh clothes, you brush your teeth, and grab your stuff and lay in your bed, getting ready to fall asleep shortly.

Turning on your phone to see what the notifications were, you see Sapnap had texted you, and the timestamp showed that it was just minutes after you had left the discord call. " _hey are you like actually going to bed rn? bc i kinda wanna talk to you. lemme know if youre down."_ Well now you're wide awake, he doesn't ever text you like that. Normally if he wants to talk to you he'll do it without asking. You immediately text back, your fingertips a blur as you type fast. " _hey im so sorry i was in the shower i didnt see your texts. would you wanna call or text??? this seems serious."_ You set your phone down and chew at a hangnail, starting to get anxious. Did he want to talk about why he was off today? Is he ok? Did something happen to him? There was so many things that could be wrong. You sit there, in the dark of your room. legs bouncing with anxiety as you wait for his response. You're staring at the messages on your screen, waiting to see the bubble pop up to show he's typing. Your heart stops for a second as you see he's opened and read the texts you sent. The seconds seemed to drag into hours, waiting is agony.

After what seems like ages, he starts to type. You unconsciously hold your breath. Your mind is racing a mile a minute. He means the world to you, he's your everything, he has to be ok. Everything has to be ok. You look at the time and realize he has been typing for five minutes. The bubble goes away, but no text is sent. You tilt your head in confusion, waiting for a text to go through. The typing bubble appears again and it lasts a couple of seconds before a text is sent. It's a short one that reads, " _no no sorry to bother you i ended up going to dream. just had a lot on my mind. you should get some sleep."_ There was no way you were going to leave it at that, you were way too stubborn. " _sapnap im wide awake now, we can still talk. if not about whats bothering you, then about anything you want."_ He opens and reads the text almost as soon as it is sent, and then you see your phone ringing, for a facetime call. You lay back down on your bed before answering.

You know you have to look extremely worried as you answer the call, but you can't hide how much you care. "Sap! How are you?" He gives you an extremely sincere smile, yet behind his eyes you see something is bothering him. "y/n...." He says your name with a fondness you have never heard coming from him before. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been an off day for me. I don't want to burden you with my dumb thoughts that ruined my day though, I know you still have plenty on your plate." You start to give a noise of protest, but he holds up a hand to stop you. "And before you say anything y/n, my mind is made up. I wanna talk about you now, I haven't checked in, in awhile and that's me being a bad friend. How are you?" You so badly want to tell him that you're doing better, that you can handle talking about what's bothering him, but the truth is that you're just masking the pain, refusing to let Luke ruin every day you wake up just by thinking about him. "I....I'm getting better, I think? I'm not really letting myself think about it, it's all too painful. Can we move on? Let's talk about something happy, I want only good thoughts right now." You close your eyes, squeezing them shut, trying to get rid of any thoughts of Luke that may be lurking in the back of your mind. "Oh, uhh, yeah sorry I didn't mean to upset you. What do you want to talk about, anything specific?" He has a quizzical look on his face, and it's drawing you in. His head is tilted to the side, he's shaven recently so his jawline has become prominent. Your eyes wander over his face before you panic, realizing you've been staring for too long, and look away quickly. Why were you even looking at him like that? You look around your room in a desperate attempt to find something to say. They land on the polaroid pictures you had taken with Sapnap the last time you had met. 

"Let's talk about when we met, because I really miss it. My polaroid pictures on my wall remind me of it everyday. Hey, where did you put the picture I gave you of us?" You hope your question would distract Sapnap from thinking about you staring at him, you knew it had been obvious that you were looking him up and down. Your mind has been so weird and out of control lately. His face lights up immediately, as he grins. "Oh! I put it in my wallet so I could carry it everywhere I go. I take it out and look at it occasionally." You had no idea that he did that, it was actually really sweet. "Sap that's so sweet! I really thought you wouldn't care about it that much. I wish we could meet up again, it's been way too long, I miss my best friend." You pout slightly as you speak. You missed him so much, it was hard to only ever call and text. Sapnap gives a small smile, along with an eyebrow raise. "You just gave me a crazy idea but i'm not going to tell you what it is until I can actually go through with it." Now you were pouting even more. "Ughh I hate when you say stuff like that, you know I hate not knowing things." 

"Well I hate to break it to you babe but you'll have to get used to it because I love surprising you with stuff like that." You both freeze at the same time. He just called you babe. Oh my god why did he just call you babe? Maybe he didn't mean to say it, maybe you heard him wrong. Your head was spinning from all the thoughts going through it. You look at him and see that he has an intense look of fear plastered on his face. He starts to speak, but stops himself. It's silent for another minute or two before you decide to speak up. 

"Did you just call me babe?" 


	5. you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I've returned to college, so I will now be balancing this book with my schoolwork to fit in my schedule. That being said, I will still have enough time to sufficiently work on this book, it may just now take two weeks for a chapter upload instead of one like it was at first. Thank you so much for all your support and patience!
> 
> also im adding onto this like a week later, I got really busy with school and had to put writing on hold for a bit, sorry for the long wait!

"Did you just call me babe?"

You are extremely confused. Why did he call you babe? What the hell does he mean by that? You realize you've balled up your fists so hard your nails are digging into your palms. You quickly release your fists and let your hands hang loosely at your side, not wanting to injure yourself. Was it out of stress? Fear? Confusion? You have no idea. He needs to speak up soon, you need to hear what he has to say. "I just.....fuck. I need to go. I need to hang up." He sounds very frantic, and you watch as he reaches towards his phone to end the call. "No! Please don't go. Please." You're practically pleading with him. He can't drop that word and then disappear for who knows how long. "No y/n, please forget about this." That answer isn't good enough for you. "NICK. Seriously, explain yourself." You never call him by his name, ever. Not unless you're being absolutely serious. His eyes go wide as he looks at you, mouth opening wide. You stare back at him intensely, almost challenging him to see what he'll do. You see him shake his head, he looks extremely upset. Before you can say anything in response, he ends the call, leaving you to look at your own stunned reflection staring back at you on your screen.

What the hell was that? Clearly it wasn't nothing. If it was nothing he wouldn't have reacted like that. You sit motionless in your room completely stunned, the sound of your heavy breathing being the only thing to interrupt the otherwise quiet room. Your eyes drift back to the polaroids on your wall, you look at them every day. Getting up off your bed, you walk over to them in an attempt to calm yourself. Your eyes look up and land on your favorite photo. It was on Sapnap's last day of his visit. The entire week he visited, you guys had gone out and done different fun things. One day you went to six flags, the next to an aquarium, he even drug you out to go dirt biking one day, that was terrifying. But on the last day he insisted he wanted to stay in and just be with you. Since he stayed in your guest room, he woke up super early and decorated your living room with dollar store party decorations, and had stocked up on both of your favorite snacks. You remember when he had woken you up you were so mad. It was around 8AM, which wasn't super early but you were not a morning person at all. He made you get up, and then when you walked out to the living room, he walked behind you with his hands over your eyes so you couldn't see. That surprise was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for you. After taking it all in, that's when you decided to take the final picture. You held out the camera so your face was in it with Sapnap and the decorations in the background, and at the last second he had come up and hugged you from behind for the picture. You then spent the rest of the day having a dance party, watching movies, you guys even cooked dinner together.

You snap back to reality, and let out a groan. Just when you didn't have any boy drama, now you have to deal with this. Forget about sleeping, your mind is racing to fast to try and get some sleep. So, now what? Do you wait for Sapnap to come to you, do you pretend like nothing happened? A lightbulb suddenly goes off in your mind. Sap had mentioned he spoke to Dream earlier, maybe you can ask him to see what's up. You rush over to your phone, fumbling and dropping it on your bed as you try and unlock it. Finally, you send Dream a text. "dream pls text me when you can i have to talk to you abt sap" He texted you back almost immediately, his text reading, "its better to call trust me" Excuse me, what the hell does that mean? Before you can think anything else, he calls you. You immediately pick up the phone. "Dream, why the hell did Sapnap call me babe and then hang up on me?" You decided to go straight into it, no use beating around the bush. You hear Dream let out a breath. "Oh wow, I didn't know it was that bad. Y/n, I have some explaining to do but most of this isn't my place to talk about it, you'll have to wait for him to come to you." You heart was racing in your chest, you were extremely nervous. What could Dream be about to tell you? This sounds serious.

"Alright, if you're not sitting down, you may want to, this is going to take a little bit of explaining. So, Sapnap and I were talking earlier. After you went off to bed supposedly, George left the call to finally get some sleep, so it was just him and I. He told me he had some things he wanted to get off his chest. He told me all about how hearing about how you and George dated still made him upset, which is why he was kinda off today. Are you following so far?" You're silent for a moment before answering, "Yeah, I could see he was off but never got a chance to ask why." Dream gives a small hum in response before continuing on. "After that, our conversation drifted towards relationships. You were brought up, as he was upset still by how Luke had treated you. I also ended up giving him some relationship advice. I think that's why he called you babe out of nowhere, do you follow?" You shake your head in confusion. "But what does relationships have to do with being the reason why he called me babe? I'm just his friend." You could see the truth in front of you, but your mind wasn't letting you process what it meant. "Think about it y/n. I'm not going to say anything direct, but think about why relationships would make him call you babe. Take however long you need to think too, but tell me your thoughts when you're done."

You sit in silence for what feels like ages, contemplating Dream's words and their meanings. Your brain can see the truth but your heart seems to be protecting itself, which is why you can't accept the answer. Finally, you embrace the truth. You whisper out the words, "oh my god, he likes me doesn't he, Dream?" His words back to you fill your ears. "That's a question I can't answer, you'll have to have Sapnap be the one to answer it. I'm going to talk to him later, I'll see if I can get him to reach out to you." As soon as he says those words, you can see a notification appear on your screen. It's from Sapnap, he's sent a voice message. Your heart stops immediately. "Uhm, there's no need for that Dream, he just sent me a voice message. Oh my god what do I do. What do you think he said?" Dream's voice soothes you as he speaks. "Hey hey y/n, it's okay, just take a deep breath. No matter what his message says, it'll be ok. I think I should hang up so you can listen to it, but I will always be a text or phone call away." You thank him for his wise words, and hang up, leaving you to stare at the little red number one at the corner of your messages app, dreading to open it. Oh god now that you know he likes you, you don't know what to think. I mean, he's your best friend! You've never thought of him in that way before. Sure, your mind had been a little weird lately, like when you caught yourself staring at him, but there was no way that meant anything, right? This is a scary door you don't know if you want to open. What if you do secretly have feelings for him?

You get up off your bed and pace around your room, lost in thought. You need to get all your thoughts together and organize them. Maybe listening to his message will help? You psych yourself up before picking up your phone. You hover over his contact name, before opening the message. Now that it says you've opened and read the message, there was no going back. To prepare yourself, you decide to sit on the floor, back up against the wall, legs crossed in front of you. You hit the play button, and quickly shut your eyes, waiting to hear his voice. The message starts playing and you hear him say, "y/n....where do I even begin? I chose to record myself because speaking feels way easier than typing all of this out. After talking with Dream today I realized somethings I had been forcing myself not to think about. Here it goes.....I like you, y/n. I've had feelings for you for years, but I've always been too scared to fuck up this friendship to tell you. I guess I'm telling you now because I've fucked up by calling you babe, so I might as well go full send. If you don't want to talk to me ever again, I get that. If you want to pretend like nothing happened, I also get that. If you feel the same.....actually no, I'm not going to get my hopes up on that one. If we get the chance to call again, I'll explain more about my feelings. I'm turning my phone off for the rest of the night so I can get some sleep, I won't see any notifications from you. Sooooooo yeah, goodnight y/n." The message ends, leaving you in the silence of your thoughts. You're stunned, you don't know what to say. That was a lot to take in. You aren't sure how you feel, do you really want to put your friendship on the line? It would be devastating if you didn't work out, your years of friendship would be gone. You're sure about one thing, however.

You need to call him, to finally understand what you're feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to add that I'm not super happy that this chapter was so short, but next chapter y/n and sapnap talk about a lot so that's for sure going to be a lengthy chapter.


	6. Slide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter took a little while, I had some personal stuff happen that made me step away from the computer for a bit but I am back now!

"Come on, come on, please pick up!" You have been trying to call Sapnap every 10 minutes for the past hour, and he hasn't picked up the phone. No phone calls, no text messages, he hasn't even been online since your call with him hours ago. You decided it was too late to fall asleep, so you're staying up until you receive word from him. Now with so many thoughts swirling through your head, you needed to clear everything out. Suddenly, you come up with a genius idea. Opening up twitter, you type out a post, smiling to yourself. There is no way this won't work. You read what you've typed out to check that everything is spelled correctly. You press post and wait for the likes and comments to start rolling in. Within a minute, the tweet has over 12,000 likes, about 4,000 retweets, and a couple hundred comments. You had wrote out a very simple tweet, just writing out " **@sapnap** _call me._ " If he was going to ignore your calls, of course you're going to find a way to get his attention.

Waiting for a reply of some kind from him, you scroll through the comments. Some people thought it was a joke, some people thought it was a hint towards content coming up. But a majority of the comments took you by surprise, the fans thought you were "shooting your shot" with him, aka hitting on him. Of course taken out of context the tweet could look flirtatious instead of angry, but you didn't even care. This whole situation is messy so why not be bold with it? Looking down at your phone you see that your phone is blowing up with texts, not from Sapnap, but from everyone else pretty much. You see Niki has sent a text asking if you were okay. You shoot back a text saying it's a long story and that you'll fill her in soon hopefully. Tommy ended up replying to the tweet with just the word "Ratio" and Tubbo responded as well saying "give lieks plaes". You shake your head and laugh, those two always managed to lift your spirits. Dream has spammed you with texts since he's the only one who really understands the situation. His series of texts read: " _holy shit y/n. that was bold. like hella bold. thats one way to get his attention tho. didnt think you had that in you. hopefully its the right move._

As you move to text Dream back, your phone lights up and starts buzzing. Your stomach drops when you read the caller ID, it's Sapnap. You take a couple of deep breaths, not knowing what would happen when you picked up the call. You set your phone up so the camera is angled at your face, and press the "accept call" button. You face falls when you see the camera on his end is pointing at his ceiling, that only ever happens when he is upset. "What the hell was that fucking tweet, y/n? Do you want all the fans in on whatever the fuck this is?" He isn't yelling, but his tone is definitely aggressive. "Oh I'm sorry that I had to do something drastic because you weren't answering my calls! I called you at least fifteen times Sapnap! What was I supposed to do?" Your hands are shaking from the adrenaline coursing through your body. "I was thinking, y/n, I didn't even have my phone on me. And then I get on my computer and hop on twitter to distract myself and see you had posted that." You can hear him loudly huff. "Well it worked and got you to call me so I don't regret tweeting that out, I'll come up with some excuse later. Now, I was talking with Dream earlier and-" Sapnap interrupts you before you can get another word out. "Wait, you spoke to Dream? Oh god what did he tell you?" He sounds a little panicked. "If you would shut up and listen to me you'd know. I have a lot to get off my chest so I would appreciate it if you didn't interrupt me and just listen. Also, can I see you? We're having an important conversation and all I can see is your damn ceiling." You feel powerful after being so assertive like that. He mumbles an apology before picking up his phone so that you can see him. His face is red and puffy, has he been crying? You shake that thought away and begin your whole speech.

"So basically, after you left that bomb and hung up on me, I called Dream, thinking he would know what to do, since he's your best friend besides me. I gave him a rundown of the situation, and he told me he had already talked to you, and that I needed to talk to you to get answers. He may have alluded to the fact that you like me. Now, I know you're probably panicking. That is, if you actually like me, but before you say anything I have to be honest with you. These past couple weeks I have been thinking about you in a different way. Like, I've been looking at you in ways a friend does not look at another friend. But I had no clue what was happening and I ignored it. I thought it was just a weird fluke." You pause for a second, taking a deep breath. Sapnap has been completely silent, which is surprising that he actually listened when you told him to not ignore you. "Today has made me confront my feelings and I don't know what exactly it all means but I know there's something inside of me that sees you as more than a friend." You stop talking and realize you've had your eyes squeezed shut, possibly out of fear of acknowledging your scary thoughts. Upon opening your eyes, you see Sapnap staring at you with a shocked expression. "Wow y/n....you really see me as more than a friend? If we're getting stuff off our chest, I need to man up and tell you that I've had feelings for you for quite some time now. I'm infatuated with you y/n, you've become way more than a friend to me." He looks very relieved, and you can see the smallest of smiles start to form on his face.

"This is a lot for me to take in Sapnap, I'm not sure what to do from here. Feelings can be scary, and I'm still healing over the heartbreak from Luke. The days I spent moping, the nights I stayed up because I couldn't sleep, the countless hours I spent just sitting in the shower while crying. I was just moving through my days without actually living. I don't ant to experience that with you. So what happens now? You like me, and I'm confused and I'm scared to try things out and ruin it with my bad luck because I can't lose you Sap, I just can't." Your heart is beating through your chest, tears are starting to form in the corner of your eyes, these past weeks have been too much for your heart to take, you really couldn't afford to lose your bestfriend. "Hey hey y/n, calm down. Look at me, and take deep breaths. We can take whatever we are at a really slow pace. We don't have to label it, we don't have to go fast, we can even remain friends if you want. Whatever you want is whatever I want. Smiling at him, you meet his eyes. It's like they hold the source to happiness in those big brown pools of color. Looking into his eyes makes you feel safe, it gives you a sense of security. "....I want you, Sapnap. That's what I want. I would really like to take this slow, so we don't mess this up, you and us is very important and I want to get everything right.

"Well then I'm going to get started right now, y/n has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Because you're absolutely stunning." Your face became red as a blush crept from your ears to your nose. Butterflies stirred in your stomach, you love every word he says. "Well thank you Sapnap, I think I'm going to love every time you tell me that. OH! We should probably fill in Dream, I bet he's up worrying about us." You look at your alarm clock, the glowing red numbers showing you that it's already 5AM. "Oh no Sap it's 5AM! I really hope we aren't keeping him awake from stress!" You look at Sapnap with a worried expression, you don't want to have caused Dream any kind of stress. "Let's see if we can get him in a call, and if he's up right now I'm sure he'll just sleep later today." You hear Sapnap typing away on his computer, and you assume he's getting to discord. Soon you hear Dream's familiar and calming voice. "Sapnap! How did things go? Are you ok?" You love how caring Dream is. "Hey Dream, things went very well! Actually, I'm using my phone to call y/n right now. Say hi y/n!" You laugh out a small hello, waving even though he can't see you. Sapnap begins to speak again. "Things went really well Dream, I don't know exactly what you told y/n but thank you for talking to her." You decide to speak up as well. "Yes, thank you so much for talking to me Dream, you helped me realize some confusing feelings that I've been hiding. And before you ask, no, we aren't dating. I want to be cautious so we're taking things very slow." You can hear the happiness in Dream's voice as he says, "I think this is great! I really am happy for you guys, and don't worry I won't say anything about this, since you want to take things slow, my lips are sealed."

Sapnap hangs up on Dream after you guys talk for a bit more, leaving it to be just the two of you once more. "Hey Sap, I really need some sleep, I've been up for over 24 hours, and I can feel myself struggling to keep my eyes open, is it okay if we hang up soon so I can rest?" He smiles at you. "Of course that's okay! You've been through alot today, we can say our goodbyes right now and call again tomorrow. Oh, I still have the surprise for you that we were talking about before all this started. I'm going to start on it tomorrow, as soon as I can. I think you'll really like it!" By this point, you're already ready to pass out, laying down on your bed with your clothes still on and all your lights still illuminating the room. "I can't wait for the surprise....babe." You try out the word, not sure how it sounds at first, but it makes you happy to say it. "Oh y/n, I can hear the sleepiness in your voice, I'm going to let you get some sleep. Goodnight beautiful." You mumble out a goodnight, and pass out mere seconds after he ends the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y/n and niki interaction next chapter!!! (and maybe wilbur? undecided yet) Once again feel free to give any critiques or suggestions! We are about halfway through with this story, so if you have any fics you wanna see me write next let me know!


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